On a journey...discovering who I am...the heart of a warrior...with a passion to worship God

Location: Canada

Why 'WorshipWarrior'? I am on a journey discovering more and more of who I am, and I believe one of the words God has used to describe who I am is a worship warrior. The worship part I can see; I absolutely love to worship God, to delight in His presence. The warrior part is not so apparent...yet. At times it seems to rise up and at other times I don't think I look like a warrior at all. But I believe this is part of who God has created me to be. And it's something I want to be. So I journey this road, trusting that God is willing and able to transform me into the person He has actually called me to be. Here is where I share bits and pieces of the journey.

Friday, April 08, 2005

I think you misunderstand me

In response to my last post and the comments posted there, here's some more thoughts.

I think I'm being misunderstood. In my last post, I was trying to sort out what I have been feeling and I was putting down whatever thoughts were coming to my mind. Although I technically did not state it,
I think some people are assuming that my feelings of disconnect are a result of the fact that I am part of two communities of faith. I don't think that is the case. Upon further reflection, I'm realizing the disconnect is coming from somewhere else.

What am I finding to be so difficult right now? I think it's change and the finality that goes with it. Just as going through the experience of having your husband suddenly die changes you forever, the changes in myself that I have experienced over the last several months have changed me forever; I will never be the same. How I perceive things, how I respond to things is different in some ways, and this is affecting what I'm feeling when I'm interacting in my relationships. I understand that things will never be quite the same, that something is different in me now, and I'm grieving that loss.

I never used to allow myself to question things because I thought that by questioning I was not submitting to leadership and that I was being rebellious. Having come through the process of learning to allow myself to feel what I'm actually feeling, I find that I'm questioning certain assumptions where I never would have before. I believe this is the cause of my feelings of disconnect. I felt 'connected' before because I was conforming; now I'm feeling 'disconnected' because I'm no longer conforming for conformity's sake. I think my feelings with pass as I get more used to the 'new me'. I do not wish to be rebellious. On the contrary, I believe this change is a good thing. Being a follower who does not think or test does not benefit the body of Christ.

I'd like to address one more thing that was mentioned in the comments of my previous post. It's something that really bothers me. It's the assumption that when a person is involved in 2 communities of faith that by default, there will automatically be conflict and torn loyalties between the two. I really, really do not agree with this. I will admit that there are instances where there is conflict and torn loyalties. However, I honestly am not experiencing any of those in my situation. The 2 communities operate on very different levels and I function in different roles in each. I am not experiencing any stress or tension as a result of being part of 2 different communities. And it really bothers me that people assume that it has to be there. Actually, I'm finding I have the benefit of being able to see things from 2 different perspectives rather than just one.

And to say I will have to decide which community I will be accountable to seems a little ridiculous to me. Why can't I be accountable to both communities? I'm accountable to my employer and I'm accountable to my kids and I'm accountable to my friends; there's no opposition in these. Why should there have to be opposition in this? If there were some foundational theological conflicts between the 2 communities, I could understand why there might be a problem, but there aren't any as far as I can see.

I think there are some assumptions being made that may not apply. This reminds me of something I went through at Christmas-time. There were some people making assumptions concerning a certain relationship of mine and I added those assumptions to ones I already had. The assumptions were not being met in the relationship and I began to feel pretty stressed about the whole thing. Then I felt God prompting me to lay down my assumptions. As soon as I did that, I was able to see things differently and the tension eased. The relationship is great now! I believe when we lay down our assumptions, it enables God to show us things from His perspective.

Those are my thoughts for now. Leave me a comment if you'd like.


Blogger flowerlady said...

being misunderstoon is definately a hazard of the 'blog' and not face to face conversation - you can't see a person's face or their heart

10:52 p.m.  
Blogger Amber Lynn said...

I stopped worrying about what blog people think about my relationship with God. The only person I need to really worry about is God. My correction comes from my local church.

11:24 p.m.  
Blogger Marilee said...

In musing over what you have said I will take the risk of disagreeing with your idea that you can be accountable to two faith communities. Comparing this to the other relationships you mention such as employer, friends,or children is like comparing apples to oranges. You cannot compare these very different types of accountability with being accountable to two faith communites. I believe that God calls us to accountability to a primary faith community and by trying to be in two I am not certain how you can be giving your best to either one? You may be able to be involved in two communities but can you really be accountable in two very different settings? Moreover,why do you want to be held accountable by two different faith communities?? I'm not trying to judge you, just thinking aloud and asking that you consider these thoughts and don't automatically disregard what they might be saying to you.

7:03 p.m.  
Blogger Song of Joy said...

I'm listening, but I'm still finding it very hard to understand why there is a problem with being committed to 2 faith communities. What is your biblical basis for saying that 'God calls us to a primary faith community'? It sounds like you're saying He calls us to exclusivity.

I don't see why I can't be accountable in two very different settings. And I don't know why I can't give my best to both when the communities are so different from each other and therefore ask different things of me. I'm no less committed to my first church now that I am involved in a second one.

Why do I want to be held accountable to two different faith communities? Because I care about the people and value the relationships in both.

Marilee, can you give me specific examples of where being part of 2 faith communities would be a problem? I'm weighing what you've said, but I can't think of specific instances where there would be a conflict between the two.

9:39 p.m.  
Anonymous Marc Vandersluys said...

Interesting. Which "family" or "faith community" were the apostles accountable to? I don't know for sure, but it seems to me that they would have been accountable to the Body of Christ, not Ephesus Community Church.

3:52 p.m.  

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